just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
