Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
