Having a random hookup so left but love u
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
