DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
