They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
