Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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