so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
