:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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