i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
