I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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