Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
