two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
