just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
