Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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