Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
