I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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