I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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