tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
