Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
