If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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