She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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