in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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