fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
