rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
