I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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