Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
