I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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