butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
