people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
