If that was your dad, he is hot
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
