it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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