textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
