If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Enjoy the penises
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
