I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
