I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
