Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
