I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
