Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
