i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
