Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
