Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
