Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
home. puking in laundry basket.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
