I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They have beer where we have blood.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
