I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
