Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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