I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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