If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
