I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
