he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
