My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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