I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
