I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
