oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
